Friday, September 26, 2003
MARY CAREY'S THE ONE!
Well, you just knew I was going to say that, and I'm sure you think it has something to do with her big boobs and all, but there's a little more to it than that. Vote for whoever you want - Arnold the Hump, Tom the Spoiler, Arianna the Shrill, Cruz the Traitor, Peter the Green (you know, if Camejo could just play guitar like the Fleetwood Mac founder, I think we'd have something). Those are the "serious" candidates and they've all had ample opportunity to spout off and detail their platforms and promise a bunch of hooey that, let's face it, they're not going to be able to accomplish, except maybe when McClintock vows to use an executive order to repeal the car tax. Otherwise, all this recall is is a beauty contest - one that is being fueled by horrendous amounts of political contributions. If all the contributions collected by the big guns were put in a pile and given to the state for distribution to underfunded programs or shortfalls, that might in itself be enough to solve our fiscal crisis. But, gee, that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
In any case, I really don't care about the serious candidates, but I have a great interest in the fringe candidates, you know the 130 or so that spent upwards of 6 grand (when the filing fee and 10 bucks a word candidates statement are all added up) just to have the satisfaction of seeing their name on the ballot, and the hope that someone besides their immediate family and friends will be compelled to vote for them.
Here's a bit of advice from someone who knows - don't count on it.
How do I know this? Well, for those that are unfamiliar with me, I would say that my greatest day as a creative artist was when I ran for mayor of the city of Pomona, California all the way back in 1993. This was not exactly a call for revolution as much as it was a hope for free publicity for me and the Desperation Squad. If you desire to see what I looked like in those days, click here at Andy's D-Squad website and search the photo gallery for the picture of the long-haired guy posing with a Mr. P For Mayor poster (if I could link it directly I would, but all the pictures are good).
There was some idealism in my run. I issued a press release to the local papers saying that I was hoping to increase voter turnout by inspiring the kids to vote for the Rock and Roll Mayor and for their parents to do just the opposite. I also made a campaign promise:
"I'll put a boom box in the mayor's office and crank tunes all day."
You have to realize that this was all local stuff, politics way under the radar, but it was lots of fun. My star moment was the Candidates Forum, which was aired on local cable, and which the whole slate of candidates - serious and fringe - participated, all eight of us. For the record it was three serious vs. five fringe. I stole the show. I made jokes all night - save for one notable exception - hawked a band tape and overall loosening up what had begun as a tense battle between the two favorites - Eddie Cortez on one side and Tomas Ursua on the other. They didn't like each other and later they waged a fairly nasty campaign against each other. But at the Forum, I got enough people laughing at statements like, responding on how to avoid violence in the city, I recommended that people try to "look weird and walk funny and no one will mess with you." The key here is that the majority of the candidates were not especially great public speakers, so it was to their advantage that I came along and lightened the mood. And many thanked me after the forum.
As performance art, it was brilliant. As politics, it was a disaster. I came in 7th in a field of 8, beating only the homeless guy. I guess my call to vote against the rock and roll mayor was the only thing people paid attention to.
So what does this have to do with the Recall? And why would I pick the porn chick out of the bunch and say that I will definitely vote for her on Oct. 7? Here is why:
For one thing, through my experience I consider myself an expert on being a fringe candidate. I made outrageous statements and the local papers reported them with delight. In fact you can go to the LA Times archives and punch in Rock and Roll Mayor and find three or four articles on the election (if you want to read them you have to pay for them yourself!).
For another, since I was unashamedly seeking publicity, and as I knew I had no chance in hell of actually being elected, and had no problem with that, I have to question just what is the motivation of the 130 or so fringe candidates that are on the current ballot. They can't truly believe anyone is going to listen to them, right? And let's say that someone may listen to them - maybe. What does saying, as a fringe candidate with no chance to get a calcuable percentage of the vote (something over .01%), "vote for me because I am the most-qualified candidate on the ballot" or "I am the common sense candidate" do for you?
The LA Times has been running photo galleries of the fringe candidates with a small blurb on their "platform" below the picture. The photos are brilliant - the photographer is a genius. Unfortunately, the statements underneath are about the lamest and silliest things I ever read. What's the point of being a fringe candidate if you're going to waste your statement on something that makes sense? No one gives a crap about that. What, are you going to feel better about yourself eight months from now, when you are a distant asterick in the annals of California politics, because at least you took the process seriously?
Give me a freakin' break!
So it boils down to this. There's the Armegeddon guy, Trek Thunder Kelly, and he seems to be about the only one who "gets it." However, from an aesthetic viewpoint, I'm not completely satisfied with him. I'm looking for a quote to at least rival my "boom box" statement.
So finally I heard it and it came from Mary Carey and it is listed in her platform link on her web site, and it's brilliant and it's doable and when I heard it my heart went out to her (just my heart folks). She's already the only one besides Gary Coleman that I believe has gotten her four to six grand back in favorable press and then she said this:
"If I’m elected Governor, I will wire the Governor’s Mansion with live web cams in every room."
It doesn't get any better than that!
See, folks, that's using the process to your advantage. Ms. Carey is showing a savvy that is frankly lost on the majority of the others, as sincere about the process as they might be. And perhaps one might accuse me of throwing away my vote and paving the way for Arnold the Hump but I don't care. I've voted in every major election for the last 25 years, and I sincerely resent those that have ignored the process making me haul my ass down to the polling place again, to vote to keep in an elected official that I voted against the last time (ironic, isn't it?). Just because "they" say so.
The hell with "them." Mary Carey is the one!
Well, you just knew I was going to say that, and I'm sure you think it has something to do with her big boobs and all, but there's a little more to it than that. Vote for whoever you want - Arnold the Hump, Tom the Spoiler, Arianna the Shrill, Cruz the Traitor, Peter the Green (you know, if Camejo could just play guitar like the Fleetwood Mac founder, I think we'd have something). Those are the "serious" candidates and they've all had ample opportunity to spout off and detail their platforms and promise a bunch of hooey that, let's face it, they're not going to be able to accomplish, except maybe when McClintock vows to use an executive order to repeal the car tax. Otherwise, all this recall is is a beauty contest - one that is being fueled by horrendous amounts of political contributions. If all the contributions collected by the big guns were put in a pile and given to the state for distribution to underfunded programs or shortfalls, that might in itself be enough to solve our fiscal crisis. But, gee, that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
In any case, I really don't care about the serious candidates, but I have a great interest in the fringe candidates, you know the 130 or so that spent upwards of 6 grand (when the filing fee and 10 bucks a word candidates statement are all added up) just to have the satisfaction of seeing their name on the ballot, and the hope that someone besides their immediate family and friends will be compelled to vote for them.
Here's a bit of advice from someone who knows - don't count on it.
How do I know this? Well, for those that are unfamiliar with me, I would say that my greatest day as a creative artist was when I ran for mayor of the city of Pomona, California all the way back in 1993. This was not exactly a call for revolution as much as it was a hope for free publicity for me and the Desperation Squad. If you desire to see what I looked like in those days, click here at Andy's D-Squad website and search the photo gallery for the picture of the long-haired guy posing with a Mr. P For Mayor poster (if I could link it directly I would, but all the pictures are good).
There was some idealism in my run. I issued a press release to the local papers saying that I was hoping to increase voter turnout by inspiring the kids to vote for the Rock and Roll Mayor and for their parents to do just the opposite. I also made a campaign promise:
"I'll put a boom box in the mayor's office and crank tunes all day."
You have to realize that this was all local stuff, politics way under the radar, but it was lots of fun. My star moment was the Candidates Forum, which was aired on local cable, and which the whole slate of candidates - serious and fringe - participated, all eight of us. For the record it was three serious vs. five fringe. I stole the show. I made jokes all night - save for one notable exception - hawked a band tape and overall loosening up what had begun as a tense battle between the two favorites - Eddie Cortez on one side and Tomas Ursua on the other. They didn't like each other and later they waged a fairly nasty campaign against each other. But at the Forum, I got enough people laughing at statements like, responding on how to avoid violence in the city, I recommended that people try to "look weird and walk funny and no one will mess with you." The key here is that the majority of the candidates were not especially great public speakers, so it was to their advantage that I came along and lightened the mood. And many thanked me after the forum.
As performance art, it was brilliant. As politics, it was a disaster. I came in 7th in a field of 8, beating only the homeless guy. I guess my call to vote against the rock and roll mayor was the only thing people paid attention to.
So what does this have to do with the Recall? And why would I pick the porn chick out of the bunch and say that I will definitely vote for her on Oct. 7? Here is why:
For one thing, through my experience I consider myself an expert on being a fringe candidate. I made outrageous statements and the local papers reported them with delight. In fact you can go to the LA Times archives and punch in Rock and Roll Mayor and find three or four articles on the election (if you want to read them you have to pay for them yourself!).
For another, since I was unashamedly seeking publicity, and as I knew I had no chance in hell of actually being elected, and had no problem with that, I have to question just what is the motivation of the 130 or so fringe candidates that are on the current ballot. They can't truly believe anyone is going to listen to them, right? And let's say that someone may listen to them - maybe. What does saying, as a fringe candidate with no chance to get a calcuable percentage of the vote (something over .01%), "vote for me because I am the most-qualified candidate on the ballot" or "I am the common sense candidate" do for you?
The LA Times has been running photo galleries of the fringe candidates with a small blurb on their "platform" below the picture. The photos are brilliant - the photographer is a genius. Unfortunately, the statements underneath are about the lamest and silliest things I ever read. What's the point of being a fringe candidate if you're going to waste your statement on something that makes sense? No one gives a crap about that. What, are you going to feel better about yourself eight months from now, when you are a distant asterick in the annals of California politics, because at least you took the process seriously?
Give me a freakin' break!
So it boils down to this. There's the Armegeddon guy, Trek Thunder Kelly, and he seems to be about the only one who "gets it." However, from an aesthetic viewpoint, I'm not completely satisfied with him. I'm looking for a quote to at least rival my "boom box" statement.
So finally I heard it and it came from Mary Carey and it is listed in her platform link on her web site, and it's brilliant and it's doable and when I heard it my heart went out to her (just my heart folks). She's already the only one besides Gary Coleman that I believe has gotten her four to six grand back in favorable press and then she said this:
"If I’m elected Governor, I will wire the Governor’s Mansion with live web cams in every room."
It doesn't get any better than that!
See, folks, that's using the process to your advantage. Ms. Carey is showing a savvy that is frankly lost on the majority of the others, as sincere about the process as they might be. And perhaps one might accuse me of throwing away my vote and paving the way for Arnold the Hump but I don't care. I've voted in every major election for the last 25 years, and I sincerely resent those that have ignored the process making me haul my ass down to the polling place again, to vote to keep in an elected official that I voted against the last time (ironic, isn't it?). Just because "they" say so.
The hell with "them." Mary Carey is the one!
Archives
